Improving a Sentence

Note: This post comes directly from an old blog of mine, that is almost the same thing as this one.

As I said in 'Strong Words', words form sentences, and sentences form paragraphs. Words must be strong and powerful, to be able to paint a picture in your mind or to make a sentence sound wonderful. Here is a choppy, Dick-and-Jane event, and here is the reworded event.

Before: "Matthew went to the supermarket. He ran. The day was grey. He bought 2 apples, and 3 oranges. He didn't like the smell of oranges. He walked into a puddle and his shoes got wet , his socks got squishy with water. He was mad. When he got home, he was really mad. He yelled at his sister."

After: "Matthew sprinted to the supermarket, the foggy, clouded sky frowning at him from above. As soon as he stepped inside, he rushed to the fruit stalls and bought 2 ripe red apples, and 3 swelling oranges, anxious to finish the task, for he wanted to get home and play. He wrinkled his nose and made a bitter, sour face, for he didn't like the odor of the oranges. He paid the cashier and jogged home, accidentally walking into a filthy puddle. After that, his shoes were drenched in brown water, and his socks were damp and soaked. He was already irritated, and when he got home, was furious and impatient to find that his sister had stolen half of his allowance to buy a present."

See how I added an event at the end, and added some descriptive words and a few transitions so the day would run smoothly. In Before, the sentences were all chopped up and were short. If you add a few commas and a few words, the sentence will be longer, and better. However, longer doesn't always mean better, so bear that in mind. In Before, it said, "he yelled at his sister." We don't know what the sister did to provoke him, so I added why she had angered him and his reaction. In Before, the event did hold a few descriptive words such as 'grey, smell, squishy, mad, and yelled.' Before used 2 of the senses, smell and feel. After had more descriptive words, the transitions were better, and the events were completed. My After may also need some rewording and fixing. Feel free to rewrite After, send it to me through email (Look at the Contact Me and Info page and send me an email through the email I provided) I'll post your edited, better version. 

Rewording a Sentence

Sentences demand a lot to be good ones. You have to have good grammar, good words, using commas when you should, and so forth. Here is a sentence and under is the reworded sentence.

The streetlights where yellow, the road was hard, and the cars were grey with dust.

Reworded

The black streetlights emitted a glowing yellow light, lighting up the gravel, hard road, where cars flecked and coated with dust sped by.

I made the description connect, all three objects connect and form one description instead of 3. 

If you have a better way to reword it, send me an email (Look at the Contact me and Info page and send me an email through the email I provided) I'll post your reworded sentence.